Valentine's Day - Different Ways To Spoil Your Loved Ones

Valentine's Day is a day for romance. Traditionally a day when we hope to receive cards, flowers and maybe a gift from those that we love or admire. Cards are usually given anonymously. It's great fun to try and disguise your token of appreciation and maddening trying to work out who the sender of your's is. It is always a thrill to receive a Valentine from someone we have feelings for, particularly if it is a new potential relationship.

The story goes that in the 3rd century St Valentine married a couple in secret at a time when it was banned by Emporer Cladius 11. For this he was sentenced to death and while in prison he fell in love with the jailer's blind daughter (allegedly the power of his love restored her sight). Just before he died he sent her a message signed "from your Valentine".

Gifts for your loved ones

Long-established symbols of love are hearts, red roses and kisses and traditional gifts of flowers, chocolates and perfume are given at Valentines. Heart shaped gifts or items decorated with Hearts are also popular. If you've been with your sweetheart for some time then you may be past flowers and chocolate and need inspiration for a more original gift. Heart shaped pottery or pottery decorated with hearts would be a long-lasting token. Your partner would think of you each morning as he or she sipped their morning tea from their Heart covered mug or serve a romantic breakfast in bed on Hearts pottery. You could fill a jug with flowers or add a personal message or their pet-name to a mug or teapot.

It is traditional to give your partners gifts for Valentine's but it's also a nice gesture to show your other loved ones how you feel about them on this special day. Secret cards to confuse your children (my grandfather always used to send me a card from whoever my love of the moment was be it David Cassidy or David Soul). Anonymous cards to friends, but with a clue that it might be from their best friend so that their hopes aren't raised too much, nobody wants to be cruel.

Surprise someone

I know we show our appreciation on Mother's and Father's Day but still, particularly if people are on their own, it's nice to feel that you are loved - send flowers to your mum or an "I Love You" mug to your dad. They won't expect it and will be thrilled to be thought of.

Restaurants are always packed on Valentine's Day - full of little tables for two. Your favourite local never feels the same on this night. If you are determined to go out together for a romantic meal why not try something different. What about a picnic (I know it's winter) but if it's a bright, dry day nothing could be nicer. You could take hot chicken or sausages, flasks of soup and a bottle of red wine. Find a sheltered spot somewhere beautiful and tuck in. You can always drop into the local pub for something warming once you've had your lunch.

Whatever you do for Valentines Day do it with the ones you love.

By: Andrea Cox

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Would I Be Happier With Someone Else?

Oh that heralded question:"Would I be happier with someone else?" Maybe, but I doubt it. Here's why. Forget not the benefits of the one your with my friend. That's it in a nutshell. Why is that so important? Sure, perhaps you could have more physical intimacy, more laughs, more happiness with someone else, but for how long? And when will that relationship begin to look like the war ravaged one you have now?? Soon my friends. Too Soon.

Remember when you first started dating your husband or wife. Everyone is on their best behavior, your looking good, your passionate, your making every effort to impress. Then seven years later you find yourself irritated by every single thing your mate does! How does that happen?

Well, I don't know. It seems though that I've taken my mind off of the dream a bit too much and have done a 360 and I'm looking too much at realities. I have a wonderful wife. No, I have a one in a million wife whom any guy would die for. Problem is, perhaps like you, I sometimes focus far too much on her negatives.

Another thing too, as a man, I have to be the one to initiate things, and I often forget that I cannot expect her to be the one to make the first moves when it comes to physical, spiritual, or financial matters. I have to be the first.

I share this article from my heart to those who are struggling in their marriage. Yesterday I told my wife I felt like two angels crossed my path. After a series of arguments yesterday I met a wonderful elderly couple who simply looked over at me and said: &quotYou really have a good life, don't you sir!"

I turned around and saw two pearly white smiles of a contented vacationing elderly couple. The man was wearing tan bermuda shorts, wire-rimmed glasses, and a big blue Hawaain shirt. The lady, his wife, simply smiled at me, a graceful lady with long flowing white hair. I replied, &quotYes sir, I do."

Believe me, you wouldn't be happier with someone else no matter how pretty, how passionate, or how handsome. Why is that? After time you will simply revert back to all your old problems and issues. Sure, certain areas may improve, others may improve grandiously, but sure enough, your temper, your upbringing, and everything else will show it's ugly face over time.

Unfortunately, I do speak from experience. I married twice in my life for the wrong reasons, one because I was in a hurry to get married, and the second, because of an solely physical relationship that lacked any substance at all. Finally, through prayer, and pre-marital counseling, I met the woman of my dreams.

Things are not perfect for me, and I'm sure many of you can relate to the feeling of: &quotWhy do I put up with this?" The reason you put up with it is because you made a vow and you did it with your heart, not just your ever changing mind.

There are many times in marriages where the other person doesn't give like they should. It's up to you to be the giver, and hopefully your mate will come along over time. Marriage counseling may help, but ultimately you're going to have to give your problems to God and be willing to change yourself.

A very good friend of my wife's, let's call her Kimmy, recently shared that she &quotput her husband's stuff on the doorstep" after nearly twenty years of marriage. She was frustrated and fed up. Long story short, he cried profusely, something he had never done in front of her, and she took him back.

She then went on to say that she had never let her husband love her because she had all these walls up. Then she said: &quotI realized I'm the one that needs to change, not him." I looked at my wife, had a deja vu, and thought-that's my wife too! Kimmy then shared that for the first time she is starting to share her love with her husband even after eleven years and three children! Who can truly understand the heart of a woman?

Kimmy and her husband went to a couple at their church who counsels marriages, they call themselves marriage mentors, and they poured out their problems for hours to this experienced couple. Kimmy said she learned more about marriage in those three hours than she had in her entire eleven years of marriage.

I've heard many couples at my church state that they are getting success by enliciting help from other successful Christian couples. My advice is to seek out a couple in your church or friends that you can trust, to help you move through the tough times. Stamp and seal them your &quotmentors" and stick to their advice like crazy glue!

Also, keep one thing in mind, Kimmy said it and I'm saying it now. You are the one who needs to change. Not your mate. You. Who out there would divorce a giving, loving, passionate, and caring wife or husband? No one I dare say. Become an extreme lover of your wife and perhaps you'll see as I have, that she'll never let you go...

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Why Men Leave (Common Reasons Men Leave Relationships)

By: Brenda Shoshanna

There are many different reasons why men leave relationships or refuse to settle down with the woman they are with. It's important for women to take a good look at these reasons. To their surprise and delight, they will discover that most of the reasons why men leave have nothing to do with them. Some men cling to the ghost of past relationships, idealizing an old love and deciding they'll never find a person like that again. It feels safer to hold onto the past than risk failure with someone who is available today. These men prefer to dwell in a memory than to face the reality of present day life.

For some, this memory goes back to their mothers. No woman can live up to mom, or to any other woman they idealize. They begin to imagine that these other women were perfect and gave them unconditional love. Whatever their present girlfriend does is compared with that. No woman can win over an idealized memory. These men are living in dreams.

Other men leave seeking excitement and challenge. Being with someone who loves them becomes boring and flat. After years of dating beautiful women who adored him but for whom he felt little, Frederick, a handsome, articulate architect, in his late thirties, finally fell in love. It was a tumultuous situation, however.

"I was in love with Fern for three years," he said. "But I left her three times and each time she came back, wanting me again. No other woman had done that before. Fern was very neurotic. I guess that's what attracted me." Some men find the lack of stability in a woman to be challenging, exciting and erotic. The unpredictability creates a situation where there is a constant sense of danger and threat of loss. This keeps these men constantly on the alert, so things never become routine. Excitement is confused with passion. There is a sense that, because of the turmoil, they are finally alive. After awhile it usually becomes too much. "I finally left Fern and never went back," Frederick said. "It became too exhausting in the long run."

When men are attracted to neurotic women, it is interesting to note that these men are often attracting a partner who is expressing what he is also going through inside. She may be acting out what he is feeling and not able to express. When he finally becomes angry with the woman, he is really angry with himself. What we cannot accept in another is always something we haven't been able to accept in ourselves.

Other stresses also cause men to leave relationships. When a man is unhappy at his job, or when he feels pressured to commit, before he is ready, old dreams that haven't been fulfilled will come up to haunt him. He then will begin to feel that this is the time to live out these dreams. These men often feel justified in abruptly leave unsatisfying relationships in search of their fantasies and dreams.

When Renee, handsome, strong, the successful owner of a well know beauty salon left for a new woman he said, "No one leaves if they're happy. After awhile you just begin to feel time is running out and you get tired of the bad stuff. You feel you don't need it anymore. You paid your dues. You're tired." When asked why he felt the attraction to a different woman, he said, "Part of it is just plain beauty. But also she was much younger. I like that. A young woman looks up to a guy because he's older and can do all these things for her, and he adores her because she's young, pretty and makes him look good and feel good and proud."

Implicit in this is a deep need men have to be looked up to, valued, respected and recognized, not only by his peers, but by the woman he's with. Especially at a time in life when a man's sense of himself is wavering, it is extremely uplifting to have a woman who looks up to him and what he has achieved. Unfortunately, at this point, some wives of long standing can only see their man's deficits. If they then remind him of his failings constantly, it's often more than his ego can bear.

Though there are many more factors contributing to men leaving relationships, a common theme appears through all of them. The men are not necessarily responding to the woman they are leaving, but to their own inner needs, conflicts and dreams. Often they experience the woman in their lives simply as a part of their own sense of self. It is not the woman herself who necessarily causes the man to leave, but the man's feelings about himself, his own inner fantasy and quest.

Article Source: ApprovedArticles.com

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5 Ways To Increase The Joy In Your Relationships

By: Brenda Shoshanna

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this one is the right one, that we are not repeating mistakes of the past, and that finally we will receive the love, support and companionship we have been seeking.

Although this approach to relationships is normal, it usually brings disappointment because happiness comes and goes. It has to, because happiness depends upon circumstances. When things go well, we are happy. When we get what we want, when the sun is shining, others value us, our boyfriend finally pops the question, these are moments of happiness.

Joy is different. It doesn't come and go, or depend upon outer circumstances. When things are difficult, when our hopes are not fulfilled, it is still possible to feel joyful. Joy is a positive decision we have made about ourselves, and others. It involves taking responsibility for our lives and relationships. How much joy do you have in your love life? Here are five ways to find joy in relationships:

Stop Blaming Your Partner for Your Disappointments

When we're in a relationship, it's very easy to fall into blaming our partner for our disappointments, but it's one of the most significant ways we destroy our own joy and peace of mind. It is also one of the biggest ways we undermine the other person.

If you want to find more joy in your relationship, realize that if you are upset, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with your partner. Finding joy in a relationship comes down to understanding that it is your own expectations that have disappointed you. When we do not put heavy expectations on our partners, but are willing to spend time getting to know them and discover who they are, blame dissolves more easily. Other people have the right to be who they are and to express it.

Your partner has not been put on this earth to make you happy. No one can do that, except you, yourself. Your partner is here to share life with, to learn to be open, accepting and to grow.

Discover the Art of True Giving

There is a huge difference between giving to another and giving so you can get something back in return. When we are secretly waiting for what’s in it for us, this is nothing more than manipulation. On the other hand, joy is based upon true giving. When we learn to give sincerely, it is almost impossible to be upset. The giving itself is its own return.

True giving means generosity with no strings attached. It's giving your partner something that he would like, not something that pleases you. It means taking time to know the person and being willing to meet his needs. Some people fear giving, feeling that they will be drained or stripped bare. But the opposite is true. The more we give, the more we have. Giving brings a sense of fullness and kindness, the basis for the development of joy.

There are many things that can be given, everything from time and attention to acknowledging what makes you happy in the relationship. Want to put this plan into action? Make a list of all the things you could give your partner. Then make a list of the things you'd like him to give you. When you see these two lists side by side, you'll be amazed. See if you can give your partner what they want, regardless of whether they can do the same for you.

Give Up Trying to Change the Other Person

The incessant desire to fix or change the other person is one of the biggest thieves of joy. Plus, it causes power struggles within relationships and issues of control. One person feels she cannot love the other unless the other changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with him.

Finding joy in a relationship means having the ability to love your partner as they are. Our partners have been put here to grow, develop and discover who they are. This can be a lengthy and challenging process. But the surprising thing about change is that the less we push and disapprove of others, the more easily and naturally they grow and change.

Learn How to Really Listen

There is no better way of giving to another than really listening. Most of the time we hear what our partners are saying, but have no idea how to listen. Listening involves getting out of your own mind and truly being there with the other person. It means stopping the little voice inside your head (the one that always comments or thinks about what it is going to say next). It means stopping the inner arguer and becoming quiet and available. When you really listen to another, in that moment, you have given up your own expectations of what you want them to say or to be, and are able to be present for them. This is an enormous gift you are giving. In fact, to many, being really listened to feels like being loved.

Give Up Trying to Change the Other Person

The incessant desire to fix or change the other person is one of the biggest thieves of joy. One person feels she cannot love the other unless that person changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with him. The person who wants the change to happen becomes more and more frustrated as the other one withdraws or refuses to change for her. That's where the phrase, "if you loved me enough you would change," comes from.

Finding joy in a relationship means having the ability to love your partner as they are here to grow, develop and discover who they are. This can be a lengthy and challenging process. But the surprising thing about change is that the less we push and disapprove of others, the more easily and naturally they change.

Develop Patience

Patience is an old-fashioned word in today's world.However, there is no way to rush growth in relationships or in the development of joy. If you're eager to get on the right track, there are two ways to get started: Learn how to be more giving and make an effort to be a better listener. But each one of these tasks takes time to master -- and patience. That's why it is necessary to realize that as we are, right now at this moment, we are lovable and acceptable. If you're ready to increase the amount of joy you feel in your own relationship, take back the responsibility for finding joy in your life, you will be pleased at the results.

Article source: iSnare.com

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The Lack Of Trust In A Relationship

Everyone wants to believe that love is a fundamental factor, and the hostility is just an occurrence. But, because much of turmoil in the love relationship, you can ask the question: what is the cause of the conflict? And why misunderstandings appear so easily and could lead to open confrontation?

The atmosphere of suspicion and lack of confidence in our loved one is not so much in the partner, as in the inability to cope with our own emotions.

People are more likely not to notice how little he/she gives to the others, but easily discover this flaw with his partner, feeling that "you never really loved me".

The wife,cherishing the idea of revenge - because her husband was not giving all their attention and all their love, do not notice how much hostility and aggression is expressed in her behaviour. Each of us occasionally forget their own hostile impulses and assign them to our partner.

Such a process invokes lack of trust in the love of our partner. Suspicion about loyalty and sincerity sometimes becomes obsessive. Aware of their own ability to quickly and easily cheat, people have no doubt that their partners are able to do the same. Fear of love always is mixed with fear of evil that we could do other people, or they could do to us. And the exhausting race of pursuance begins.

In love, the fate does not give people the warranty of loyalty and devotion. It is a matter of maturity and identification of personal internal fears.

Getting to know their unconsciously wishes and awareness of the prohibited expression of our own sexuality allows people to avoid paranoid traps.

Another source of mistrust in the love life is the fact that if love occurred, it is taken by us as a source of happiness, as the realization of our dreams. It is in the love a person, contradictory by her essence , suddenly hopes to resolve all her internal conflicts and shifts the responsibility for the decision to his/her partner.

The mistrust is also caused the idea that the perfect partner should correspond to a perfect love. Thus, the partner is entrusted with an impossible task.

The partner must be strong and at the same time helpless, to manage and be managed, severe and sensual. He must be the aggressor in sex and be tender as well, give us all time and at the same time to work, work and work.

When reality comes out, the illusions are destroyed, and our partner appears as he is for real, we are disappointed in him, not realizing that there is our fault too.

Many believe that the key to stable relations is the absence of conflict. But sometimes conflict is a means to maximize the closeness of partners if they were too distant from each other, and if there is no other way to gain their love.

Confidence in yourself, a sense of internal strength and relevance, lack of fear to depend on the loved one can save and strengthen relationships.

To escape from the traps of our subconsciousness, it is necessary first of all to trust yourself and your feelings, not being afraid to openly discuss difficult issues, handle the situation.

Love is a big responsibility not only for a partner, but also for our predictability and a desire to understand what happens to me in this moment.

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Dating and Sex -- Should You or Shouldn't You?

At the beginning of a relationship, especially on the first few dates, it's very hard to determine if your partner is the right person and if she/he is the way they show us and not faking their personality.

The most known rule seems to be that you should never sleep with a date until at least the third date. There's no real logic but it does mean that you get a little breathing space before you start feeling that you 'should' be having sex! The general idea is that you should never have sex on a first date because that's going to get you a reputation for being 'easy'!

General consensus and opinions aside, whether or not you have sex on your first, third or tenth date is only up to you and your partner! Only you know if you are comfortable enough with your date and ready to have sex with him/her. No-one else really has the right to tell you that it's too early and it's not the done thing, or for that matter to pressure you into something that you're not ready for when you've had a dozen dates with your partner and haven't got past a chaste kiss on the cheek! Have control of the situation and decide it by yourself!

The worst situation with dating and sex is when there is an expectation that your date has created. They are clearly anticipating an intimate experience with you during or after the date. If you're up for it, that's great. If you're not, then you need to get this out in the open as soon as possible and give your date a chance to find another bed partner for the night if that's all they're looking for.

Don't feel guilty or uncomfortable when you say 'no' concerning sex to your date. Honesty now is better than getting them angry and feeling that you led them on later in the evening. It's also better feeling guilty with them than feeling bad about yourself because you followed their expectations and did something that you didn't want to do.

Listen to your mind and your body. They will tell you when the time is right to take your relationship to the next level. This could very well be within the first couple of dates if the chemistry is right and your intuition is telling you that your date is not just in the relationship for sex.

On the other hand, it could take some time, especially if you've had a bad experience in the past after having sex with a date early on in the relationship, before you're ready. Remember, there's only one person's opinion on when sex becomes an option within the relationship, and that's yours!

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How To Handle A Cheating Girlfriend

Not all girls cheat, but unfortunately some do. If your girl cheats on you and you find out, there are several things that you can do about it. Some choices may be good for you, some will really stink, but cheating is never an easy thing to handle. It is painful and damages your trust as well as your pride and self confidence. You can deal with it and you will survive even though you might feel like you won't at times. Just take your time to decide what you are going to do and where you will take the relationship next. As I said, you have a few options.

Ignore It

It may seem easy to just ignore it and hope that it will go away, but think about that before you go that route. If you ignore it, that means that you either don't even talk about it with your girlfriend or you actually catch her and just play the "la la la, it will go away" method. Beware of this, though, while it may be easy because you don't have to deal with anything or dredge up the painful feelings, nothing is ever resolved either. The bitterness and resentment from the betrayal will fester and grow and can affect every aspect of your relationship, cause you to experience depression and is likely to make it difficult for you to get along with or even be with that person and be happy.

Ditch Her

This is often the knee-jerk reaction when someone is betrayed. The first thing that a person often does is tell the other person to get away, to leave and that it is over. This is the other extreme of ignoring it and can be just as unproductive. When you first learn that you have been betrayed you may want to strike out, but opt for taking a break from the relationship instead. If you fly into a fury and send her away immediately, you may have second thoughts later and call her back and this can lead to the "ignore it" method. You may ping pong like this for a while until one of you finally blows and an even more painful altercation and eventual break up may ensue.

Stay with her but Make her Miserable

This may be, initially, the most satisfying method of dealing with the unfaithfulness. However, that satisfaction is often not real and short lived. True, you could stay with her and remind her of what she did every day of her life. You could guilt her into doing things for you, staying with you regardless of how miserable she is and being whatever you want her to be, but that can backfire. As the resentment grows - on both sides - she feels mistreated and abused while you never resolve what happened and fall deeper into your manipulation of her. Again, the resentment and anger bubbles just below the surface and one day it will blow. The results could be disastrous.

Work it Out

This is the most difficult and requires the most commitment, but it can also be the most rewarding. Take a break from each other; seek counseling both individually and as a couple and take time to feel the pain. Experience the pain and work through it. There is an old saying that once someone cheats they will cheat again. This is not necessarily true. Some people have an affair, work things out with their partner and never have another affair. Other people have an affair, work things out, have another affair and keep on until they have left their relationship and their partner in a shambles. Only you can decide if the relationship and your girlfriend are worth fighting for and worth saving.

Article Source: http://www.articlestoreprint.com

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