Monday, August 27, 2007

Dating and Sex -- Should You or Shouldn't You?

At the beginning of a relationship, especially on the first few dates, it's very hard to determine if your partner is the right person and if she/he is the way they show us and not faking their personality.

The most known rule seems to be that you should never sleep with a date until at least the third date. There's no real logic but it does mean that you get a little breathing space before you start feeling that you 'should' be having sex! The general idea is that you should never have sex on a first date because that's going to get you a reputation for being 'easy'!

General consensus and opinions aside, whether or not you have sex on your first, third or tenth date is only up to you and your partner! Only you know if you are comfortable enough with your date and ready to have sex with him/her. No-one else really has the right to tell you that it's too early and it's not the done thing, or for that matter to pressure you into something that you're not ready for when you've had a dozen dates with your partner and haven't got past a chaste kiss on the cheek! Have control of the situation and decide it by yourself!

The worst situation with dating and sex is when there is an expectation that your date has created. They are clearly anticipating an intimate experience with you during or after the date. If you're up for it, that's great. If you're not, then you need to get this out in the open as soon as possible and give your date a chance to find another bed partner for the night if that's all they're looking for.

Don't feel guilty or uncomfortable when you say 'no' concerning sex to your date. Honesty now is better than getting them angry and feeling that you led them on later in the evening. It's also better feeling guilty with them than feeling bad about yourself because you followed their expectations and did something that you didn't want to do.

Listen to your mind and your body. They will tell you when the time is right to take your relationship to the next level. This could very well be within the first couple of dates if the chemistry is right and your intuition is telling you that your date is not just in the relationship for sex.

On the other hand, it could take some time, especially if you've had a bad experience in the past after having sex with a date early on in the relationship, before you're ready. Remember, there's only one person's opinion on when sex becomes an option within the relationship, and that's yours!

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Tuesday, August 7, 2007

How To Handle A Cheating Girlfriend

Not all girls cheat, but unfortunately some do. If your girl cheats on you and you find out, there are several things that you can do about it. Some choices may be good for you, some will really stink, but cheating is never an easy thing to handle. It is painful and damages your trust as well as your pride and self confidence. You can deal with it and you will survive even though you might feel like you won't at times. Just take your time to decide what you are going to do and where you will take the relationship next. As I said, you have a few options.

Ignore It

It may seem easy to just ignore it and hope that it will go away, but think about that before you go that route. If you ignore it, that means that you either don't even talk about it with your girlfriend or you actually catch her and just play the "la la la, it will go away" method. Beware of this, though, while it may be easy because you don't have to deal with anything or dredge up the painful feelings, nothing is ever resolved either. The bitterness and resentment from the betrayal will fester and grow and can affect every aspect of your relationship, cause you to experience depression and is likely to make it difficult for you to get along with or even be with that person and be happy.

Ditch Her

This is often the knee-jerk reaction when someone is betrayed. The first thing that a person often does is tell the other person to get away, to leave and that it is over. This is the other extreme of ignoring it and can be just as unproductive. When you first learn that you have been betrayed you may want to strike out, but opt for taking a break from the relationship instead. If you fly into a fury and send her away immediately, you may have second thoughts later and call her back and this can lead to the "ignore it" method. You may ping pong like this for a while until one of you finally blows and an even more painful altercation and eventual break up may ensue.

Stay with her but Make her Miserable

This may be, initially, the most satisfying method of dealing with the unfaithfulness. However, that satisfaction is often not real and short lived. True, you could stay with her and remind her of what she did every day of her life. You could guilt her into doing things for you, staying with you regardless of how miserable she is and being whatever you want her to be, but that can backfire. As the resentment grows - on both sides - she feels mistreated and abused while you never resolve what happened and fall deeper into your manipulation of her. Again, the resentment and anger bubbles just below the surface and one day it will blow. The results could be disastrous.

Work it Out

This is the most difficult and requires the most commitment, but it can also be the most rewarding. Take a break from each other; seek counseling both individually and as a couple and take time to feel the pain. Experience the pain and work through it. There is an old saying that once someone cheats they will cheat again. This is not necessarily true. Some people have an affair, work things out with their partner and never have another affair. Other people have an affair, work things out, have another affair and keep on until they have left their relationship and their partner in a shambles. Only you can decide if the relationship and your girlfriend are worth fighting for and worth saving.

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