5 Ways To Increase The Joy In Your Relationships

By: Brenda Shoshanna

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this one is the right one, that we are not repeating mistakes of the past, and that finally we will receive the love, support and companionship we have been seeking.

Although this approach to relationships is normal, it usually brings disappointment because happiness comes and goes. It has to, because happiness depends upon circumstances. When things go well, we are happy. When we get what we want, when the sun is shining, others value us, our boyfriend finally pops the question, these are moments of happiness.

Joy is different. It doesn't come and go, or depend upon outer circumstances. When things are difficult, when our hopes are not fulfilled, it is still possible to feel joyful. Joy is a positive decision we have made about ourselves, and others. It involves taking responsibility for our lives and relationships. How much joy do you have in your love life? Here are five ways to find joy in relationships:

Stop Blaming Your Partner for Your Disappointments

When we're in a relationship, it's very easy to fall into blaming our partner for our disappointments, but it's one of the most significant ways we destroy our own joy and peace of mind. It is also one of the biggest ways we undermine the other person.

If you want to find more joy in your relationship, realize that if you are upset, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with your partner. Finding joy in a relationship comes down to understanding that it is your own expectations that have disappointed you. When we do not put heavy expectations on our partners, but are willing to spend time getting to know them and discover who they are, blame dissolves more easily. Other people have the right to be who they are and to express it.

Your partner has not been put on this earth to make you happy. No one can do that, except you, yourself. Your partner is here to share life with, to learn to be open, accepting and to grow.

Discover the Art of True Giving

There is a huge difference between giving to another and giving so you can get something back in return. When we are secretly waiting for what’s in it for us, this is nothing more than manipulation. On the other hand, joy is based upon true giving. When we learn to give sincerely, it is almost impossible to be upset. The giving itself is its own return.

True giving means generosity with no strings attached. It's giving your partner something that he would like, not something that pleases you. It means taking time to know the person and being willing to meet his needs. Some people fear giving, feeling that they will be drained or stripped bare. But the opposite is true. The more we give, the more we have. Giving brings a sense of fullness and kindness, the basis for the development of joy.

There are many things that can be given, everything from time and attention to acknowledging what makes you happy in the relationship. Want to put this plan into action? Make a list of all the things you could give your partner. Then make a list of the things you'd like him to give you. When you see these two lists side by side, you'll be amazed. See if you can give your partner what they want, regardless of whether they can do the same for you.

Give Up Trying to Change the Other Person

The incessant desire to fix or change the other person is one of the biggest thieves of joy. Plus, it causes power struggles within relationships and issues of control. One person feels she cannot love the other unless the other changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with him.

Finding joy in a relationship means having the ability to love your partner as they are. Our partners have been put here to grow, develop and discover who they are. This can be a lengthy and challenging process. But the surprising thing about change is that the less we push and disapprove of others, the more easily and naturally they grow and change.

Learn How to Really Listen

There is no better way of giving to another than really listening. Most of the time we hear what our partners are saying, but have no idea how to listen. Listening involves getting out of your own mind and truly being there with the other person. It means stopping the little voice inside your head (the one that always comments or thinks about what it is going to say next). It means stopping the inner arguer and becoming quiet and available. When you really listen to another, in that moment, you have given up your own expectations of what you want them to say or to be, and are able to be present for them. This is an enormous gift you are giving. In fact, to many, being really listened to feels like being loved.

Give Up Trying to Change the Other Person

The incessant desire to fix or change the other person is one of the biggest thieves of joy. One person feels she cannot love the other unless that person changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with him. The person who wants the change to happen becomes more and more frustrated as the other one withdraws or refuses to change for her. That's where the phrase, "if you loved me enough you would change," comes from.

Finding joy in a relationship means having the ability to love your partner as they are here to grow, develop and discover who they are. This can be a lengthy and challenging process. But the surprising thing about change is that the less we push and disapprove of others, the more easily and naturally they change.

Develop Patience

Patience is an old-fashioned word in today's world.However, there is no way to rush growth in relationships or in the development of joy. If you're eager to get on the right track, there are two ways to get started: Learn how to be more giving and make an effort to be a better listener. But each one of these tasks takes time to master -- and patience. That's why it is necessary to realize that as we are, right now at this moment, we are lovable and acceptable. If you're ready to increase the amount of joy you feel in your own relationship, take back the responsibility for finding joy in your life, you will be pleased at the results.

Article source: iSnare.com

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The Lack Of Trust In A Relationship

Everyone wants to believe that love is a fundamental factor, and the hostility is just an occurrence. But, because much of turmoil in the love relationship, you can ask the question: what is the cause of the conflict? And why misunderstandings appear so easily and could lead to open confrontation?

The atmosphere of suspicion and lack of confidence in our loved one is not so much in the partner, as in the inability to cope with our own emotions.

People are more likely not to notice how little he/she gives to the others, but easily discover this flaw with his partner, feeling that "you never really loved me".

The wife,cherishing the idea of revenge - because her husband was not giving all their attention and all their love, do not notice how much hostility and aggression is expressed in her behaviour. Each of us occasionally forget their own hostile impulses and assign them to our partner.

Such a process invokes lack of trust in the love of our partner. Suspicion about loyalty and sincerity sometimes becomes obsessive. Aware of their own ability to quickly and easily cheat, people have no doubt that their partners are able to do the same. Fear of love always is mixed with fear of evil that we could do other people, or they could do to us. And the exhausting race of pursuance begins.

In love, the fate does not give people the warranty of loyalty and devotion. It is a matter of maturity and identification of personal internal fears.

Getting to know their unconsciously wishes and awareness of the prohibited expression of our own sexuality allows people to avoid paranoid traps.

Another source of mistrust in the love life is the fact that if love occurred, it is taken by us as a source of happiness, as the realization of our dreams. It is in the love a person, contradictory by her essence , suddenly hopes to resolve all her internal conflicts and shifts the responsibility for the decision to his/her partner.

The mistrust is also caused the idea that the perfect partner should correspond to a perfect love. Thus, the partner is entrusted with an impossible task.

The partner must be strong and at the same time helpless, to manage and be managed, severe and sensual. He must be the aggressor in sex and be tender as well, give us all time and at the same time to work, work and work.

When reality comes out, the illusions are destroyed, and our partner appears as he is for real, we are disappointed in him, not realizing that there is our fault too.

Many believe that the key to stable relations is the absence of conflict. But sometimes conflict is a means to maximize the closeness of partners if they were too distant from each other, and if there is no other way to gain their love.

Confidence in yourself, a sense of internal strength and relevance, lack of fear to depend on the loved one can save and strengthen relationships.

To escape from the traps of our subconsciousness, it is necessary first of all to trust yourself and your feelings, not being afraid to openly discuss difficult issues, handle the situation.

Love is a big responsibility not only for a partner, but also for our predictability and a desire to understand what happens to me in this moment.

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Dating and Sex -- Should You or Shouldn't You?

At the beginning of a relationship, especially on the first few dates, it's very hard to determine if your partner is the right person and if she/he is the way they show us and not faking their personality.

The most known rule seems to be that you should never sleep with a date until at least the third date. There's no real logic but it does mean that you get a little breathing space before you start feeling that you 'should' be having sex! The general idea is that you should never have sex on a first date because that's going to get you a reputation for being 'easy'!

General consensus and opinions aside, whether or not you have sex on your first, third or tenth date is only up to you and your partner! Only you know if you are comfortable enough with your date and ready to have sex with him/her. No-one else really has the right to tell you that it's too early and it's not the done thing, or for that matter to pressure you into something that you're not ready for when you've had a dozen dates with your partner and haven't got past a chaste kiss on the cheek! Have control of the situation and decide it by yourself!

The worst situation with dating and sex is when there is an expectation that your date has created. They are clearly anticipating an intimate experience with you during or after the date. If you're up for it, that's great. If you're not, then you need to get this out in the open as soon as possible and give your date a chance to find another bed partner for the night if that's all they're looking for.

Don't feel guilty or uncomfortable when you say 'no' concerning sex to your date. Honesty now is better than getting them angry and feeling that you led them on later in the evening. It's also better feeling guilty with them than feeling bad about yourself because you followed their expectations and did something that you didn't want to do.

Listen to your mind and your body. They will tell you when the time is right to take your relationship to the next level. This could very well be within the first couple of dates if the chemistry is right and your intuition is telling you that your date is not just in the relationship for sex.

On the other hand, it could take some time, especially if you've had a bad experience in the past after having sex with a date early on in the relationship, before you're ready. Remember, there's only one person's opinion on when sex becomes an option within the relationship, and that's yours!

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How To Handle A Cheating Girlfriend

Not all girls cheat, but unfortunately some do. If your girl cheats on you and you find out, there are several things that you can do about it. Some choices may be good for you, some will really stink, but cheating is never an easy thing to handle. It is painful and damages your trust as well as your pride and self confidence. You can deal with it and you will survive even though you might feel like you won't at times. Just take your time to decide what you are going to do and where you will take the relationship next. As I said, you have a few options.

Ignore It

It may seem easy to just ignore it and hope that it will go away, but think about that before you go that route. If you ignore it, that means that you either don't even talk about it with your girlfriend or you actually catch her and just play the "la la la, it will go away" method. Beware of this, though, while it may be easy because you don't have to deal with anything or dredge up the painful feelings, nothing is ever resolved either. The bitterness and resentment from the betrayal will fester and grow and can affect every aspect of your relationship, cause you to experience depression and is likely to make it difficult for you to get along with or even be with that person and be happy.

Ditch Her

This is often the knee-jerk reaction when someone is betrayed. The first thing that a person often does is tell the other person to get away, to leave and that it is over. This is the other extreme of ignoring it and can be just as unproductive. When you first learn that you have been betrayed you may want to strike out, but opt for taking a break from the relationship instead. If you fly into a fury and send her away immediately, you may have second thoughts later and call her back and this can lead to the "ignore it" method. You may ping pong like this for a while until one of you finally blows and an even more painful altercation and eventual break up may ensue.

Stay with her but Make her Miserable

This may be, initially, the most satisfying method of dealing with the unfaithfulness. However, that satisfaction is often not real and short lived. True, you could stay with her and remind her of what she did every day of her life. You could guilt her into doing things for you, staying with you regardless of how miserable she is and being whatever you want her to be, but that can backfire. As the resentment grows - on both sides - she feels mistreated and abused while you never resolve what happened and fall deeper into your manipulation of her. Again, the resentment and anger bubbles just below the surface and one day it will blow. The results could be disastrous.

Work it Out

This is the most difficult and requires the most commitment, but it can also be the most rewarding. Take a break from each other; seek counseling both individually and as a couple and take time to feel the pain. Experience the pain and work through it. There is an old saying that once someone cheats they will cheat again. This is not necessarily true. Some people have an affair, work things out with their partner and never have another affair. Other people have an affair, work things out, have another affair and keep on until they have left their relationship and their partner in a shambles. Only you can decide if the relationship and your girlfriend are worth fighting for and worth saving.

Article Source: http://www.articlestoreprint.com

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Show Your Partner That You Care

Many of us start our relationship with love. But after some time you may feel that something is changed, that routine is getting in your relationship. That doesn't mean that the love is gone but you have to do something to keep your love alive.

Relationships are difficult to sustain. We all want to have a relationship that works. Happiness is the primary need of all of us. To make your relationship work , being like before, and also to not lose your partner you should start by showing her that you really care, to impress her with something every day.

It is important to show people that we care. While big and extravagant gifts are one way, it is the small things that we do everyday that are the most important. You don’t need to be creative, have a big budget or heaps of bright ideas to show someone that you care.

Here are some helpful tips you may use to show her that you care, tips to impress her and show that you love her like the beginning.

Surprise her in the morning by making her coffee and bring her breakfast at the bed. If you didn’t done this before you will definitely surprise her in a positive way. This is good way to start your day by being spoiled.

Propose her to make the shower together because you didn't do it for a long time. Show her that you make time for her and it's no problem if you get late at work sometimes. Spending some time with her is much important even if you have a lot of work today.

Bring home roses for no reason at all. You don't need a special reason to buy her flowers to show how much you love her. Your intentions will be appreciated and the message will be better understood.

Be sensitive and carrying. Ask her if is something wrong if you see that she is a little upset. Listen to her and try to make her smile again. Remember her that you'll pass all the problems together.

Don't forget to compliment her sometimes and tell her she's beautiful like in the first day you met. It’s good to hear that you still like how she looks.

Ask if there's anything you can do in the house even if you didn't do it again. Ask her if you can help with something, and sometimes do a little cleaning even she doesn't ask you to do it. Notice the things that are missing and go shopping them without ask her. She will be very surprised that you care about the house and offer to help her.

Remember anniversary and birthday. A woman always know this dates, but men are usually forget this, aren't too important for them. That's why she will be impressed and very happy to see that you are a carrying man and remember your anniversary.

Prepare her a romantic weekend that she doesn't expect to. Go away to spend a romantic weekend with your partner only you two, somewhere away from home where nobody can reach and disturb you. It's the perfect place and chance to re alive the love between you two.

Once you begin to pay attention to what brings her pleasure and happiness, you're on your way to being a true romantic. The thing to keep in mind is that romance is about her desires, not yours. Your satisfaction comes from watching her joy.

By: Ovi Dogar

Article Source: www.iSnare.com

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How to Tease a Woman the Right Way and Become More Attractive

I am sure you have heard the claim that nice guys tend to have more difficulty meeting and attracting women. Or, maybe you have experienced it. Well, this statement is unfortunately not too far from the truth.

You have probably even read several reasons why this happens so I am not going to reiterate that here. Rather, I am going to give you a practical solution to better attract women and have some fun doing it-TEASE HER. Even if you are not really the "nice guy" but do carry that confident, alpha male personality, you may want to fine-tune your skills and give this a try.

Women generally view nice guys as uninterested, boring and providing absolutely no challenge. This is why these guys usually do not get too far with women since she eventually loses interest and many times before the first conversation has ended. Obviously, this is not going to help things progress in the direction you are hoping.

So, what do you do? You provide a subtle challenge to a woman yet without appearing to be an asshole or jerk. There is a fine-line between an interesting, challenging guy and a jerk which will have the opposite affect and turn her off. A good way to avoid crossing this line is to tease her.

Bringing humor into the conversation directed toward her not only shows her you have a sense of humor (which women love) but also makes you more interesting and challenging. The best approach is to treat her like a little sister by nicely teasing yet teasing her nonetheless.

Many guys are confused about the importance of humor in attracting women. They tend to ask why they should use it, why it is so important and why it works.

Let me explain...

As I have already said, women tend to view a man with a sense of humor as fun, interesting, challenging and far from boring. And, women like to be around interesting guys which is, of course, what you want. Projecting your humorous side allows you both to have a good time during the conversation, and more importantly, she will enjoy herself and have a good time. This makes her far more open to being around you at a later date which is a pre-requisite for things to progress to a date and even more.

This remains true even when your humor mostly revolves around teasing at her expense. Making fun of people is usually tagged with a negative connotation, for obvious reasons, but when it comes to attracting women you can use it positively and for your benefit. As counter-productive as this seems, it can really work when you are trying to pick-up a woman.

It is effective because it begins to build her attraction towards you. One reason is that you are not portraying the nice guy personality nor are you focused on pleasing her. Also, the conversation is far more interesting when you mix in your sense of humor which is an important factor by itself in attracting women. Remember, avoid boring!

Finally, it shifts the "pursuit" from you to her making her work for your attention rather than you trying to gain hers. Even though you may be, it is not really clear to her and keeps things challenging from her end.

A great way to tease a woman effectively is to call her out on things she says during the conversation. You can also start building some sexual chemistry by twisting some of her statements into subtle innuendos but, of course, you should not come on too strongly or it will turn her off. It might give her the wrong impression, but in the right amount, it is a good way to create more chemistry.

One reason you do not want to come on too strongly is because you want to keep her in a "subconscious state of limbo." You remain a challenge when she is not sure if you are into her or not. Women are attracted to a challenge when it comes to men and this provides just enough to make her work for your attention while the attraction is building at the same time.

Ultimately, following this advice above creates the perfect atmosphere for the attraction to build. You can open the door to progressing from initial attraction and beyond!

Article Source: http://www.articlestoreprint.com

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3 Body Language Signs Of Cheating In A Lover

Have you been suspecting him/her of being places you don't know about ... or you just feel that "fishy" feeling about them, something here is just not right.

Well believe me.... you could very well be on to SOMETHING. Trust your intuition to investigate, but you need to confirm it. I'll get to the point on this.... if you want to discover if your partner is fibbing on you or not, just check the body language. Few trained professionals can fake body language well (trust me, it takes hypnosis to really get lying down as a body language art).

Most people lie by focusing on their vocal tone and straightforwardness of answer. This takes away their focus from the body language aspect. They can't focus on all these things right at the moment. This will give away at least one or two signs for you catch them hard.

The first thing to do is to ask them a "trick" question about their activity or whereabouts. The response is to get them to answer "correctly" and see if this answer is hiding a lie.

Here are the signs to be keen of....
1. Fingers or hand over the mouth
2. Fingers of hand over an ear
3. Fingers or hand over the eyes

Any of these can give away a strong signal if this is done right at the moment of a lie.

Now, remember, the story does get deeper because there are 2 micro-facial expressions that can confirm this. See the highly-acclaimed full-proof Cheat Sweeper system for these...

By Glen Houston

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Glen_Houston

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